Taking the Time to Be Nice
I received a call from a former employee out of the blue the other day. Although I left the company some time ago, we had stayed in touch. COVID has changed her role somewhat and she has been struggling to morph into new responsibilities. She wanted to talk out her frustrations she was having with her boss over a new project and knew I could provide some insight.
So she reached out to me. She needed a sanity check. I listened to her rant for a bit.
I asked her about the project. How far along was it? Where was your input needed? As the details emerged, I truly could picture the reactions from both sides. She was upset that her boss dismissed her input in a group meeting and she felt like she wasn't being heard or even needed. And, slightly humiliated for being treated that way in front of everyone.
I told her I was certain that her boss knows she has input or she wouldn't have been invited to the meeting, but the boss was more likely focused on justifying the budget at the moment and not how the details would be handled if it got funded. Budget reviews are always stressful and all investments need validation. Essentially she was putting the cart before the horse.
I recommended she drop a note to her boss and say she was looking forward to being part of the project when it gets funded and feels she could provide insight when needed based on her past roles.
Could her boss been nicer about it instead of being dismissive? Yes. Could my former employee have handled it differently? Yes.
This morning she texted me that she felt much better about everything, thanked me for listening. She said what I told her made a lot of sense, she still admires her boss and apologized for wasting my time.
Wasting. My. Time. That statement cut me to the core.
Don't ever think you're wasting someone's time. That mindset indicates you think you're worthless. You're not.
And don't ever tell someone they are wasting YOUR time. Thank them for caring enough to provide their insight.
In normal times, we'd have an encounter or meeting that left us shaking our head, and go ask a trusted co-worker to join us for lunch or coffee just vent to someone. But many offices, including hers, are closed. We vent to our spouses, our pets, and ourselves, usually with little insight.
Working from home during the COVID crisis is putting a strain on all of us. Video conference calls don't properly give us the visual cues we rely on to evaluate how the meeting went. And let's face it, we all have a heightened sense of paranoia around our jobs and our health. It's still important to keep in touch with people, express your concerns and reach out if you need help.
Value yourself. And be aware your actions or words could hurt others. Just. Be. Nice.